Painfully Full

I’ve been a bad Blogger already and I’ve only been blogging a week : /

It was a pretty crazy work week last week thanks to having a trainee at my side. I still managed to stick to my program even though my lovely trainee ordered pizza EVERY night he worked with me!

Still loving the WW program. I lost 2lbs as of last weeks weigh in. That’s success if I’ve ever seen it.It’s been a learning process trying to make the right choices and remembering to track my points. I’ve actually had to work hard to make sure I am eating all of my points. 41 points seems like a lot of food at times….

Ok ok… I may be skipping ahead right now but the last sentence that I typed brought me to a place where I feel like its time for me to share something that is very important to this journey. The whole reason why I’ve been carrying around an extra 100lbs for the last 15  years.

There is really no better way to say it then to say, I am a Compulsive Overeater. (Wiki) I have been for as long as I can remember and it is a major part of my day to day.

I think Compulsive Overeating is easily the most misunderstood eating disorder in the spectrum of eating disorders. I can still remember being 11 years old and hearing a doctor give me that diagnosis. I thought he was completely nuts to even suggest that I had an eating disorder. Even at the young age of 11 I was very aware of what eating disorders were.

I was 9 years old when my Mother was first hospitalized for Anorexia (wiki) and the mental health issues that fueled her disease. At the time of my Mother’s first visit to the Greenbrier Mental Health facility she was around 110lbs. At her statues 5’9 1/2 (the half counts ;)) she was skeletal! Without going into a great amount of detail into what lead my Mother to use self-starvation as a means to cope with life, I will just say my Mom went through a load of shit in her life!

You may be asking your self how my Mother’s Anorexia lead to my life long battle with Compulsive Overeating. I think that is a totally valid question and if you’ll excuse my rambling I will explain it…

Simply put I have been a “Fixer” from a very early age. My real Father (I claim my Step Dad as my Dad) was abusive, and when my Mother would not eat instead of showing concern he would become angry. Some where in my 6-7 year old mind I decided I could fix it by eating more. I would eat enough for the both of us, even to the point where I would be painfully full. Over time that Fixing developed into Coping and that Painfully Full feeling became an obsession; a drug.

During the latter part of my childhood and into my adolescence my relationship with food was molded into something that I guess most people would be able to relate to as Desperation/Obsession. Once I learned to enjoy that Painfully Full feeling my family came to a period in time where we were very poor. There were many, many, many times where we struggled to keep anything in the house and had to rely on the food stamp program and food banks to eat. This period came during the time my parents were embroiled in a very messy divorce and my Mother was still struggling with her Eating Disorder. When some one with Compulsive Overeating  has to worry about where there next meal let alone their next binge will come from, the results are not pretty!

Eventually my Family hit what I would like to think of as our rock bottom and over the last 10-12 years we have healed and moved on to become a family that hold little resemblance to that family of my youth.

My Eating Disorder has followed a similar path over the last decade. I like to use the analogy of a wound who’s scab has just fallen off. It’s not completely healed, still a little sore, but eventually the scar will begin to fade over time. I can say that I have not had a “Full On Binge” aka 3000 calories or more until I was painfully full, in quite a while. The compulsion to over eat is still with me during the stressful time (which seem to pretty often as of late). I still crave that painfully full feeling. And I will admit freely that I have let my self get very close to reaching that point a handful of time in the last couple of years. However when I stand back at look at the where I am and where I was with my disorder, I have to say I am damn proud of my self!

Part of the reason that I started this blog was to give my self an outlet to talk about this and that and share things so that I don’t feel such strong urges to cope using food.

I used to think when I was younger that it would have been easier if I had a “chic” eating disorder like anorexia or bulimia. The shame of compulsive overeating was heavy in side and out. Now I know that those thoughts were ridiculous and I am just as able to share my journey with others as anyone else who suffers from any other disorder.

So I hope that I haven’t bored you to tears with all of this. Thank you if you have made it to the end and thank you for taking this journey with me.

Really Bad Eats (Drinks)

Read this article! It will really make you think!

Four Loko Turned Into Ethanol

Why Hotel Employees Hate Snow (day 5)

When you work for a business that never closes you learn very quickly there is no such thing as a snow day.

We received about 2-4 inches of snow here in Nashville Sunday night and even though to most east coasters like myself that isn’t much but it totally shuts the city of Nashville down. When they close down schools it means that people who feel they are entitled to call off for varying reasons, do. Even though I could have gone home it wasn’t worth my bosses panic and fear, since the first call off came in at 5am and more were sure to follow.

Even when there is a chance of snow I pack a bag before coming in to work. Since I work nights there is a huge chance that I will get stuck here and I have learned not to be unprepared. I packed everything right down to workout clothes, really if I could have I would pack my entire house!  I hate staying here! Even though we get our own rooms it still feels like what I imagine 9-5ers would feel like sleeping in their office or cube. It’s not home and its sure not vacation. I miss my dogs, bed, shower, TV, and the feeling that my work day has ended.  

Food in my hotel is either breakfast foods, questionable lunch meats (I’m really picky when it comes to that stuff), and junk from our Market. I would usually just order chinese food since I am pretty sure that they would deliver even if the world was ending. Weight Watchers of course would have been ok for that since I could have just gaged points and at smaller portions but I have found out rather quickly that I would rather eat healthy and feel more satisfied.

I went to the grocery store and bought some provisions for a couple of days. I ended up bring some home and using a lot of it for lunches this week.  I only had my phone to take pictures with so please forgive the quality.

Here’s what I bought

3/4 lbs of Egg Salad (Deli Style)

Wasa Crisp 7 Whole Grain Cracker Bread

4 packs of Justin’s Nut Butters (Totally on sale for .89 a pack)

1/2lbs of mixed Olives from the Olive Bar

3 Cans of Progresso Light

A bottle of Fat Free Soy Sesame Dressing

4 Tiny Little Cheese Squares

Broccoli Slaw Mix

3 Bags of Microwavable 2 Bite Potatoes (totally on sale for $1 a bag!!! 1 stayed at work and the other 2 went home)

A bottle of Mustard with Horseradish

It was $35 even when I paid the nice lady at Kroger :p But considering I would have spent at least $20 to have chinese I felt like I made the better choice to have lunch and snacks for most likely the rest of the week.

When you work nights a lot of the time you have Dinner for Breakfast and Breakfast for Dinner, so I like to call it First Meal.

First Meal

A bowl of Broccoli Slaw with Dressing (super yummy dressing) 1 point

4 Olives- 1 Point

1/2 a cup of Egg Salad- 8 points

6 Wasa Crackers- 3 points

A packet of Justin’s Hazelnut Chocolate Spread- 5Points

First Meal total- 19 Points

I am getting 42 points a day right now, it feels like a lot of food when I am eating the healthier options but it worked out for me today because I waited too long to eat after I woke up and was starving. Also turns out I was training a new person tonight and it was harder to walk about to eat First Snack and Second Meal.

First Snack

2 of those cute little cheese squares – 6 Points

First Snack Total- 6 points

Second Meal (Lunch for you Night Sleepers)

1 Can of Progresso Light Santa Fe Chicken (which I am totally addicted to 4points

1 Slice Whole Grain bread Toasted Dry (From the work kitchen) 2 points

1 Work Bannana – 0 points!

Second Meals Total- 6 points

Second Snack

12 Olives- 4 points

Second Snack Total- 4 points

I am going to admit that when it came to Third Meal (aka Dinner) I failed. I also won at the same time and so I am allowing my self to feel ok about it

Third Meal

Nothing!!! :(- 0 points

A lady that works in another kitchen comes in about twice a week with loads of fresh baked goodies. Today it was homemade Banana muffins with chocolate and tons of nuts.

I couldn’t even fathom that points that the butter and sugar laden muffins would be so I said no. I had gone over there to make my self a breakfast sandwich but I was so proud of my self from walking away from the muffin that I didn’t make my english muffin and egg 😦

I wasn’t sad about that until I got home (finally) and realized that I had missed Third meal. I was exhausted and not hungry (which is shocking) so I went straight to bed and snuggled up with some Anthony Bourdain and my pups.

All in all I survived the snow and stayed on the program! Yay me! Oh and I will add some pictures when my phone is done charging!

So what kinds of provisions would you like to have with you if you were snowed in?

Hello Blogosphere!

Welcome to Orange You Glad to See Me (OYGTSM)!

I have been a long time blog reader. Much like many of you I am sure you started the same way. Randomly stumbling across an incredibly addictive Food/Lifestyle/Fitness Blog that snow balls into a Google Reader with 20 new blogs to read a day.

I guess I should start off by telling you a little bit about myself.

This is me… In varying moods 😉

                       

I am 27 years old. I live in the wonderful city of Nashville, TN; although I was born in NJ, raised in FL, and went to high school in FL/NJ/and Delaware! I have had a healthy mix of influences in my life and would like to think that although I have so much more to learn I have absorbed a lot. I am a “Dog Mom” with a love life I really doubt I will be blogging much about (kinda complicated right now). I work for a world leader in the hotel industry and have for the past almost 7 years. I write, sing, paint, draw, and well create for fun. I aspire to see and do, but right now I am focused on learning to take far better care of my self.

That really brings me to the I guess what you could call the “Mission Statement” of this blog. My wonderful Mother bought me a 3 month membership to the new Weight Watchers Points Plus program. I was actually drawn to it by Danica at http://danicasdaily.com. I have been reading her blog for a while and when I saw how much she was enjoying the new WW program. I had to try it!!!! Oh and you have to check out her latest contest to win a fabulous shirt!!!! 

 

Danica in her Awesome Shirt!

http://danicasdaily.com/danicas-daily-tshirt-giveaway/

 

I am on day 4 of the program and so far I am loving it all. I haven’t tried any “diet programs” before this other than lowering calories on my own and a crazy diet a friend and I made up called the “Cup Diet” (more on that later). I am finally able to work out again after my NASTY car wreck back in May (again more on that later, gotta have something besides food to talk about lol) so I am feeling pretty optimistic about this new venture into the Weight Watchers and Blogsphere!

As for food, well it may not be very fancy at times but it will be about staying on the program and making the best food choice with what I got to work with.

So wish me luck currently nonexistent readers! (Gonna have to add that to my list Get Readers!)